So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
