This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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