I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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