Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you had me at cake vodka
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
