The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
