had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I checked into jail on foursquare
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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