I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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