Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
