Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
