apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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