I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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