Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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