I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
