it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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