I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
