So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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