I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
