I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Randomize
