dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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