Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
