Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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