I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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