in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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