why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
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If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
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Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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