I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Farmville is her only friend.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
