I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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