Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
