Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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