why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
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