will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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