Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
