I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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