I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
