I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
