She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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