Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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