and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
