I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
