wakey wakey hands off snakey
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
