That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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