I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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