Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
