Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
