so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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