You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
