I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
