I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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