his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
