I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Gay?
German.
Pity.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
