Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
