Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
