Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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