Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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