i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Best friends brother. Beat that.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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