Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize