i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
