the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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