I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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