tell your sister to shave her snatch
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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