Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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