you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
