the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
