What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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