So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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