last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
