Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
