Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I deserve this hangover.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
