I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
