I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
