Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
